It's summer, and you have lots of odd jobs to get done. Or you want to have a nice dinner out with your spouse, and plan to get a babysitter. So hire a teen!
News: Teens in snoburbia will not work for you. They have better things to do. They are mountain biking in Montana. Or they are at the beach with that friend whose mom and dad have the amazing beach house that comes with scooters and Jet Skis.
Oh, and they don't really need your piddling $15/hour. Are you f**ing kidding me? If you are lucky enough to find a teenager still around who is desperate enough to work, you had better come up with a serious cash offer. If he can't earn at least $50-75 for a couple of hours' work,* he won't even text you back. If you want to ensure he will actually show up, make it $100.
* If you do hire a teen, and want to entertain him, please use the following phrase, "I used to babysit for $1 an hour."